Welcome
You have received a card
If you are reading this, someone has probably given you a card: they would perhaps like to explore BDSM with you.
It is an invitation, not a demand. This page explains in a few minutes what it is about and how it works, so you can decide calmly: yes, no or maybe.
What the card means
The person felt a connection between you and is offering to talk about it, perhaps to play together one day. Their contact is on the back of the card. You owe them nothing: no answer, no meeting, no explanation. If you are not interested, you can simply throw it away.
BDSM in a nutshell
The word covers practices between consenting adults: bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadomasochism. People play with power, sensations, restraints and rules, within a frame they agree on together. It is not violence: it is a game that is prepared in advance, and that stops as soon as one person asks.
How it really works
- First, you talk
About what attracts you, what worries you, what is off limits. Someone trustworthy asks questions and really listens to the answers.
- You meet again in a public place
A coffee, a walk, no play at all: just to see whether the trust is there.
- You choose a safeword
A word that stops everything, right away, no discussion. And a sign without words, in case speaking is not possible.
- You start gently
Well below your limits, with the right to stop at any moment.
- Afterwards, you take care of each other
A quiet moment, some water, a few words; then you talk it over later: what felt good, what felt less good.
What is not up for negotiation
Your consent is freely given, and you can withdraw it at any time, even in the middle of a session. Alcohol and drugs do not go with play. Be wary of anyone who rushes you, refuses to talk about limits, demands secrecy or makes fun of the safeword: those are warning signs, not BDSM.
If you feel like answering
Take your time. Before you get back to the person, you can take stock of your own desires, or prepare a first meeting with the tools on this site. They are free, and nothing is stored.
A portrait of my desiresPrepare a first timeRead the guide
And if you like the idea, you can make your own card too. Make my card
If this card was given to you insistently, or if something made you uncomfortable, you can talk to someone: places to get help.