Guide
The guide
What we know, what we assume, and what to do to play without getting hurt.
Each chapter can be read on its own. They are written for adults who want to understand before they practise, or to practise better what they already do. None contains explicit descriptions, and none replaces an in-person workshop for risky practices.
- IUnderstanding10 minThe basic vocabulary, what research says and what it does not, and a way to begin that gives you time to find out what you want.
- IIConsent8 minHow to agree beforehand, stop during, talk it over afterwards, and recognise a yes that is not really a yes. This holds for a BDSM scene as much as for any intimate relationship.
- IIISafety9 minZero risk does not exist. This page sets out, practice by practice, what can go wrong, how to make it less likely and when to stop.
- Rope and nerves8 minRope mostly damages nerves, often without warning. Here is where they run, how to check during a session that they are fine, and what to do when they are not.
- Breathing and strangulation8 minSqueezing a neck has no safe version. This page explains what happens in the body, what the data say, and what you can do instead.
- IVWhat happens in the body8 minWhat studies have measured during real sessions, what is still assumed, and what that changes for safety during the scene and afterwards.
- VHistory7 minWhere the words, rules and communities of BDSM come from, what is documented, what was embellished after the fact, and why it still matters today.
- VIWhat the research says7 minWhat studies say about people who practise BDSM, with the sample sizes, the limits of each finding and the misconceptions they contradict.
- VIIWhat the law says8 minWhat the law says about consent, images, age and public play in four countries, and what that changes in practice for what you do.
- +Glossary13 minThe words you will come across at munches, in guides and on profiles, defined in a few sentences, with no needless jargon and no explicit content.
How this guide is made
Every figure, every study and every point of law links to its source, in the margin on large screens and at the bottom of the page on phones. When a common claim has not been demonstrated, the text says so. The laws cited are those in force in October 2026 in Switzerland, France, Belgium and Quebec.